Wednesday, November 18, 2009

How to Annoy People at Work

Every once in awhile the burden of helping companies become more productive gets to me. It’s then that the evil consultant in me comes out and makes me share ideas that actually are disruptive to production.

Here are some ways to annoy your colleagues at work. I got these out of Casino Magazine.

• Page yourself over the intercom without disguising your voice.

• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they would like fries with that.

• Call a meeting wherein you encourage your colleagues to join you in synchronized chair-dancing.

• Put your garbage can on your desk and label in “In.”

• Pretend like you have an unnatural fear of office products.

• Finish your point with, “at least that’s what my psychic says.”

• Don’t use any punctuation or capitalization in your memos.

• Find out where your boss shops and buy the exact same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially annoying if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

• Respond to everything someone else says with, “Is that what you think?”

• Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

• Tell your boss, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me. It’s the voices in your head that do.”

If you want to annoy people outside of the office, you may want to try some of these:

• Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

• Sit in your parked car along the side of the road and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

• Call a psychic hot line and say, “Guess who?”

• When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won! I won! Third time this week!!!”

• Tell your children at dinner, “Due to the economy we are going to have to let one of you go.”

• Every time you see a broom say, “Honey, is your mother here?”

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